Mara's Story
When Will and I had our marriage counseling before we were married we had decided we wanted 3 children. We both came from 3 siblings, so in our minds, it made most sense! In September 2015, Will and I discovered we were pregnant after trying for only 1 month. I thought “wow! This was so easy! I wonder why it’s so hard for some people!?” At our initial 10 weeks appointment it became apparent that our baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks 3 days. I felt so stupid for thinking those things about it being easy. I then thought to myself “what did I do?” I blamed myself, I had just ran a half marathon and thought that’s why my baby stopped growing. I was devastated, heartbroken, and so confused.
About a year later, we decided to start trying again. After 1 month we were pregnant again, but was quickly lost at 5 weeks. We continued to try until December 2016, I was pregnant again! Granted, I was very nervous, because of our history but everything initially looked great! At our 14 week appointment we finally heard the heartbeat on a Doppler. That was a momentous experience since we have never gotten to that point before. We had a party and announced to our families that we were pregnant, due September 2nd! At 18 weeks pregnant, Will and I were on vacation in Colorado and I started to bleed. I was obviously very concerned but after many calls to the doctor, he had assured us it was nothing to be scared of. On our way home I was in excruciating pain, the familiar pain of loss and I knew that our baby was in trouble. The next day, we found out our baby had stopped growing at 13 weeks and had no heartbeat. This news made no sense to me because we had heard the heartbeat at 14 weeks. The doctor knew something else was going on and opted for us to do some testing. Our baby’s genetic material was sent for testing and we found out that it was a girl and her karyotype was abnormal. She was diagnosed with an unbalanced translocation on chromosomes 1&3. She had a duplication of genetic material on chromosome 1 and a deletion of genetic material on chromosome 3, so the genetic material was unbalanced. I was then tested because they said this was something that normally comes from parents. My results came back and I was diagnosed with a balanced translocation of chromosomes 1&3 which mean that chunks from chromosomes 1&3 are switched, but even and all present; balanced. Overall, this translocation does not affect me because all of my genetic material is there, it’s just in the wrong spot. The only way this affects me is in my eggs. In theory, 50% of my eggs are “unbalanced”, 25% are normal, and 25% are “balanced” (like me). So in order for us to have a successful pregnancy the egg needed to normal or balanced.
Little did we know, we were already pregnant again. I was absolutely terrified. There was no way I could go through that pain again. Testing was done and month after month things looked perfect. Our girl was due February 14th. To our hearts avail, on January 25, 2018 our sweet Everly Kay was born!
About a year later we decided that we would start try for another child not knowing how long it would take given the circumstances. After 2 miscarriages very early on, we were pregnant again in December 2019. We passed the first trimester, all of our tests were good. I opted not to get genetic testing because the baby was growing right on track! We announced to our family, friends that we were pregnant! Due September 2nd! I was always nervous about that due date because it was a day off from our 18 week loss but at our 20 week ultrasound everything still looked great so we kept on being cautiously optimistic. At 28 weeks I went in for a routine growth ultrasound and my worst fears came to life that day. I was told our girl had a severe cleft lip and palate, asymmetrical growth restriction, a duodenal atresia and I had extra amniotic fluid. I couldn’t breath, how could this happen? We were immediately referred down to maternal fetal medicine. It was the longest day wait of my life. Thinking of the “whats ifs” was exhausting. An amniocentesis was performed and we were sent home thinking of surgeries and the hard life that our sweet girl would endure. Less than a week later, my girl stopped moving. I knew she was gone. On June 18th, I delivered Eliza Carlene into the world. That was the hardest day of my life. Knowing I would never hear my girl cry. I would never see her walk, let alone even see her open her eyes. Eliza now sits in our house, in her little pink urn where she will forever be with her family.
After losing Eliza, we decided we still wanted to pursue having children as our family did not feel complete. We felt the next option was IVF because all I needed was a “good egg”. In November 2020 I underwent the painstaking task of injections, multiple appointments, ultrasounds, and finally the retrieval. We had 5 embryos out of 16 fertilize, 3 made it to be tested. Out of those 3, 2 were considered normal. I was ecstatic! Those odds seemed amazing and knowing I could get pregnant made me even more hopeful. In January 2021 we transferred a girl embryo that was rated the best. After 10 long days we found out that she didn’t stick. I was very confused and heartbroken that we’d lost another chance at a baby. After more testing, we found out everything was normal and that they didn’t know why it didn’t work. We were going to try again in March 2021 with our last embryo but after a big snowstorm our test results did not come back in time to transfer. We opted to wait until June to transfer for a more optimal time to have a baby.
In early June 2021, I found out I was pregnant naturally. It was so strange though; I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t worried, I had this overwhelming sense of calm about it. We weren’t “trying”, just like we weren’t trying with Everly and this baby was almost the same exact timeline as Everly due February 18th. I couldn’t help but feel that it was fate and it was going to work. This time, we decided to do genetic testing for obvious reasons. At 14 weeks I found out our baby was “normal” and a girl. I absolutely couldn’t believe it. Again, month after month everything kept looking great. On February 2, 2022 I gave birth to my second rainbow baby, Lyla Mae.
There was a time in my life that I wasn’t sure I would have any children, let alone TWO. This journey that my husband and I have been on has been so incredibly tough, but it has made us so grateful for what we have. We may never have the 3 children we planned for, but in reality, we have 2 children here on earth that are perfect and that have far exceeded any of our dreams. I am beyond thankful for my girls and the experiences that led me to them. After every storm, comes a rainbow and my hurricane of a journey to motherhood has created two of the brightest rainbows I could ever imagine.
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