Kelley's Story
My husband and I were married in the fall of 2012. In fall of 2014, we found out I was pregnant and told everyone that we were expecting. The excitement of the first grand-baby exploded! Four weeks later, that excitement was gone. As anyone would be, we were devastated. We went to the doctor for answers only to learn they had none.
Newly married and living far away from my parents, siblings, and friends, I felt like I had no one. I was alone. Sure, my husband’s family was here, but they were HIS family not mine. I felt like I couldn’t let anybody know how upset I was. I couldn't be a disappointment. I had to keep strong. For him and for me.
As the saying goes, “time heals all wounds,” and as time passed I hurt less and less. As time passed I asked more questions and talked about my loss a little more.
A year later another pregnancy brought joy. We decided not to announce our pregnancy this time until I was further along. But, at six weeks we found ourselves heartbroken again. Back to the doctors with more questions. Still no answers.
Again, we let time pass. We healed. We tried again. Another pregnancy, this time we made it past the six week mark, past the eight week mark, past the twelve week mark. It was a relief to make it so far with a healthy baby. At week fourteen, we were on vacation enjoying time with my husband’s family in the Smoky Mountains. We were on a walk when my water broke. Before we made it to the hospital we lost that baby. My husband stood by my bedside and watched the doctors remove a little body, with tiny hands and feet. All we wanted was a healthy baby. What we got was another miscarriage. We began the healing process again, but this one took the longest to get through. The year after that we got pregnant again, and at week eight, miscarriage. Four years. Four miscarriages. Lots of hard feelings and emotions. One very tired woman.
There was a woman I knew in our church who had recently dealt with a loss. She was there for me. Not minding if I called crying or texted my frustrations or asked questions. She prayed with me time and time again. I am so grateful for her heart and friendship. It felt good to let out all my feelings and frustrations. I didn’t feel like I was hiding who I really was anymore. I was broken. I was hurt. But the Lord has shown me on this journey that it’s okay for others to see you struggle and go through trials. Just look at what He went through! I learned that the more I opened up, the more people prayed, and the more I saw how much others cared. I even learned that other couples we knew, had dealt with the same loss and anger that we were going through. There was a whole new support group we could reach out to as we processed what had happened.
What keeps me going is knowing the faithfulness of God. His word says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4).
We were trusting God, and His faithfulness but we still wanted a family. We talked about different options, and my husband and I decided to pursue adoption through foster care. It was about one year after our fourth miscarriage when a two year old boy was placed in our home. Finally a family! We poured our hearts into this little guy. We know God had a plan for him and for us. He needed a loving mommy and daddy, and we needed a little one to love. We continued raising him and waited in anticipation for his adoption to be finalized. Shortly after he was placed in our home, we found out we were pregnant again. This time we waited until week ten to go to the doctor. Days went by, then weeks, then months of pregnancy. No complications. Week after week we waited in anticipation for each doctor’s appointment. Every day we declared, “God will keep this baby healthy. This baby WILL make it to full term. This baby will be the miracle that continues our story. And when we hold that baby, GOD will get all the GLORY!”
In November of 2018, at week thirty-eight of my pregnancy, we found ourselves in the hospital again. This time doctors delivered a seven pound eight ounce, healthy baby girl. We were overjoyed and overwhelmed with emotion and God’s faithfulness! He heard our prayers and remained faithful to us. About seven months after our little girl was born, the little boy that we were fostering was reunited with his biological mother. We knew that this was always a possibility, but we were not prepared for this. It was hard for us because we didn’t want to let him go. Fortunately we have a good relationship with his mother, and we get to see him often. God always has a way of meeting our needs. He gave us a little boy to love until it was His time to give us a little girl. God's timing is perfect!
God has continued to be faithful in His promise to us. After an unexpected pregnancy and loss in 2019, we found out we were pregnant again. In 2020, when the rest of the world was at a whirlwind due to COVID, God gave us another reason to celebrate. Even though we have a beautiful healthy daughter, those thoughts of loss still crept up during the pregnancy. We again declared, "this baby will be healthy, this baby will make it full term, God will get all the glory!" Week by week, we continued to pray and week by week our baby grew stronger. Every appointment was met with anxiety and anticipation of devastating news, but every week we were met with a healthy heartbeat and a growing baby boy. Week by week we continued to pray and declare health and wholeness over God’s blessing. By week 39 we were more than ready to meet our little blessing. My doctor who was not able to deliver our first miracle baby, personally scheduled our induction while she was on call. On October 28, 2020 our second miracle came into the world healthy and happy! We look forward to the day that we get to see the babies we've lost, in Heaven. In the meantime, we give all the praise and glory to God and thank him for the wonderful miracles that he has given us! There were times of struggle when we thought all was lost, but God was always there. God has restored our hope and given us more than one reason to celebrate!
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