From the time that I was a little girl, I knew that I was made to be a mommy. But after a very traumatic scare, shortly after high school, I wondered if I would ever have that opportunity.
There was a night shortly after graduation, that I spent on my boyfriend’s futon with a heating pad and excruciating cramps, only to find myself at the hospital the next day. As my boyfriend and I met with the doctor, we had learned that I miscarried an 8 week old baby. Over the next few hours, waves of emotion swept over me as I went from learning that I was pregnant, to learning that I had lost that baby. How could you miss someone you didn’t even know you had so much?
During the next few months, we tried to move on and move forward with planning our wedding, but the desire for a family was still there. I just knew that I was made to be a mom. I wondered if this dream would ever become a reality.
After our wedding, we immediately started trying for a family. For 3 years, and approximately 30 negative tests, we felt defeated. I didn’t understand. We were heartbroken. I wondered why I was being punished. I wanted to be pregnant and have a baby so badly, I would stuff pillows in my shirt, just to get a glimpse of what that dream looked like.
One day that dream become even more of a reality, when I saw that tiny little plus sign. I was ecstatic! After sharing the news with my husband, I scheduled an appointment to have bloodwork done. The bloodwork confirmed what we had been waiting for, I was finally pregnant. Not only were we excited, but I was also very cautious. I didn’t want to do anything that would bring me back to that day after high school. I was very careful, and tried to take it easy, making sure not to overdo anything. I continued to work until I was about 7 months along. This still felt so surreal. I could not believe this was my reality. I was carrying this precious little life. One I had dreamed of carrying since childhood.
Around this time I had started to have what I thought were labor pains and ended up back in the hospital, only to find out it was false labor. After being sent home multiple times, I had noticed some leaking of fluid. I had always heard of women talking about “the break” where the water starts gushing, but this was more of a trickle. I went to the hospital again and the doctor did an exam. During the exam the doctor can feel the baby, but informs us that what he is feeling is not the head or the foot, but the back.
After an ultrasound confirms that the baby is transverse breech, and only has 4 ounces of fluid left, the team decides an emergency C-section is the best plan for me and the baby. They tell my husband scrub up, and we head in for surgery. I was so scared!
After a long but successful c-section, I laid my eyes on the most beautiful, precious baby boy I could have ever imagined. He was so perfect! This was no longer a dream, but my reality. I was a mommy to a perfect, healthy baby.
Fast forward 3 years, and we were overjoyed with the blessing of an unexpected positive pregnancy test. Although this pregnancy was much more calm, our daughter had a rougher start to life. She was a preemie, joining us a month before her due date, and not breathing due to pnemonia, we were terrified we would lose her. However, she powered through and I am a mommy of a rainbow baby, and miracle baby.
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